personality

When one aspect of your personality takes such an overshadowing position in your life it's hard to see past it.  I'm lazy, as i previously said, and it has taken such a huge place in my life that i find it hard even know who i am.  33 years old and i'm still finding myself. 

Oh i had me, when i was younger i knew who i was, but then some things happened and i lost me.  

When so many big things happen in sch a small time frame it's easy to lose yourself i think

i hurt my back

got engaged

got marries

had a kid

bought a house

had another kid

All in one five year period.

so much of it though feels like i was going through the expected motions.

Not that i don't love my family i sure do.  

But my sense of self these days is so wrapped up in them that i find it hard to see me.

I know who i'd like to be, but it's a lot of effort, hence me thinking the laziness is taking over.  On the other hand i wonder if it requires that much effort to be the person i want to be, maybe i'm not meant to be that person.

So i thought i might try something I've never tried before, list the things i'm good at, see where that leaves me

karate - I've recently returned and i'm OK at it.

cooking. - i don't do it often but i do enjoy it, i like learning new things, doing new things, i just hate cleaning up.

gardening - i'm lazy so it suffers but i'm actually not bad at it

After those things though i realize that all the things I see myself as good at are negative things

making a mess

buying instead of making

criticizing

seeing the bad, not the good.

So i think the only thing i can do it perhaps try to keep one thing in mind a i approach life.

whenever i'm looking at buying something, ask myself, 

Can i make it, and would it be cheaper to do so?

it's a place to start, right?

Confessions

I'm lazy.

there it is.  The biggest cause of problems in my world, i'm lazy.  Horribly Lazy.  the housework isn't done nearly enough, I spend more time sitting on my laptop hoping for something to happen that hasn't really happened in years.  but it's REALLY REALLY hard to give up on something i loved so much.  However my life needs an overhaul, i need to come away from the laptop and do more to live the life i like the idea of.
I need to get into the garden, care for my fruit trees, plant a veggie patch for next season, put the laundry away, and when the veggies and fruit start coming in making things from the produce.

I want to be more thrifty but happy.  I want to make things fro my home so that it looks like a home made safe haven or my family.
it's not going to be an easy path, and I've decided that at least for this year i'm going top try to focus on energies on something I have actually grown to love in order to promote my journey.  Christmas.
There's entirely no reason why i can only make Christmas-y things at Christmas.

So the beginning of my 2014 Journey to be less lazy is going to be the make things, in my spare time, when i have it instead of sitting on my butt, i want to be making things.  my biggest resource for this is going to be Pinterest no doubt, but we'll see.  I know where i want to start.
I want to make one of these.

I could probably make most of it with stuff i have here to be honest, we'll see.  However, I won't be starting till 2014.  

This is a self declaration, a personal goal, i will change my life because only I have the power to do so.

Bring on the new year!