personality

When one aspect of your personality takes such an overshadowing position in your life it's hard to see past it.  I'm lazy, as i previously said, and it has taken such a huge place in my life that i find it hard even know who i am.  33 years old and i'm still finding myself. 

Oh i had me, when i was younger i knew who i was, but then some things happened and i lost me.  

When so many big things happen in sch a small time frame it's easy to lose yourself i think

i hurt my back

got engaged

got marries

had a kid

bought a house

had another kid

All in one five year period.

so much of it though feels like i was going through the expected motions.

Not that i don't love my family i sure do.  

But my sense of self these days is so wrapped up in them that i find it hard to see me.

I know who i'd like to be, but it's a lot of effort, hence me thinking the laziness is taking over.  On the other hand i wonder if it requires that much effort to be the person i want to be, maybe i'm not meant to be that person.

So i thought i might try something I've never tried before, list the things i'm good at, see where that leaves me

karate - I've recently returned and i'm OK at it.

cooking. - i don't do it often but i do enjoy it, i like learning new things, doing new things, i just hate cleaning up.

gardening - i'm lazy so it suffers but i'm actually not bad at it

After those things though i realize that all the things I see myself as good at are negative things

making a mess

buying instead of making

criticizing

seeing the bad, not the good.

So i think the only thing i can do it perhaps try to keep one thing in mind a i approach life.

whenever i'm looking at buying something, ask myself, 

Can i make it, and would it be cheaper to do so?

it's a place to start, right?